If Gollum sang Christmas songs

To the Tune of “Last Christmas”

Last Christmas, we gave it our heart
But the very next day, it gives it away (it gives it away)
This year, to save us from tears
We’ll give it to something Precious (Precious)

To the Tune of “All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth”

All we wants for Christmas is our Precious back
Our Precious back…our Precious back
All we wants for Christmas is our Precious back
So we can kill nasty hobbitses!

To the Tune of “O Little Town of Bethlehem”

O Little Town of Hobbiton
How much we hates them all
The hobbits fat took Precious back
We’ll gets it again (goll)

To the Tune of “Happy Christmas (War is Over)”

So this is Christmas,
And what has it done?
You’ve taken my Precious
Stupid Hobbits think they’ve won.

And so happy Christmas,
We hates you (gollum)
The fat and the stupid ones
The old and the young.

And, of course…

To the Tune of “Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town”

It better not shout,
It better not cry,
It better not pout,
We’s telling it why
Santa (gollum)’s comin’…to town.

We’s making a list,
It’s got just one thing,
Not for you but for us,
It’s our Precious ring
Santa (gollum)’s comin’…to town.

We sees you when you’re sleeping,
We knows when you’re awake.
We don’t care if you’re bad or good
We takes it back for Precious’ sake!

Oh, it better not shout,
It better not cry,
It better not pout,
We’s telling it why
Santa (gollum)’s comin’…to town.

Also see Gollum’s take on love songs.

yard version 2.0!

For the past couple of weeks, I have made it a personal agenda to give our yard a makeover. Since we bought the house, there have been things that I haven’t been able to change to fit my liking. Much of that had to do with the fact that it just plain gets hot in Alabama in the summer. Also, it was pretty overwhelming…I’d say about 60 percent of our yard area was covered with leaves prior to this. That included all of our beds in the front yard and the vast majority of the back yard as well. The back yard was a combination of this ugly gray “forest floor” effect, bare earth where nothing could make headway, overgrown areas of weeds, vines, and some small plants, and some grass struggling to grow amidst the wild violets that had made major inroads in our yard.

Now, as some of you know, I’m not afraid of yard work. I have a long history with it. I can tell you stories of hauling dirt around the yard, creating new beds from scratch on summer Saturdays, planting literally over a hundred red tops along the perimeter of my parents’ yard…the list goes on and on. Somewhere during that time I figured out that I actually kind of enjoyed it. I learned pretty quickly, though, that I would enjoy it more when it was actually my yard that was the one being worked on.

Well, the years passed, and we finally got around to the part of our major purchase list that involved the yard. You’ve already heard about the chipper/shredder, which I have put to good use creating leaf mulch (home improvement stores call it “soil conditioner” and sell it for $3 a bag). Well, last Wednesday evening I took it up a notch. That was when the dump truck from the landscape materials company came to my driveway, not once, not twice, but three times with a load of mulch. According to a home improvement website, a cubic foot of pine bark mulch weighs about 22.5 pounds. This was 24 cubic yards – over seven tons of mulch.

I finished spreading it Friday evening. Ready to see the results? (By the way, these pictures are 80-100K each, so if you’re still on dial-up, it’ll be slow…)

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working vacation stats

  • Hours worked in the yard: 7 1/2.
  • Flower beds de-leaved: 2.
  • Piles of leaves/sticks/whatever previously created that were mulched: 8.
  • Beds that were completely filled: 2.
  • Beds incompletely filled: 2.
  • Bags of leaf-based mulch created: approximately 20.
  • Retail value of said bags: probably around $60.
  • Bags of stick-based mulch created: 2.
  • Retail value of said bags: probably around $15.
  • Value of having the leaves they were created from gone from the yard: much more than $75.
  • Kiddie pools used to hold stick-based mulch: 1.
  • Of the chipper and shredder, number of features I’m happy with on the new tool: 1. (Ed: The chipper takes way too long to deal with – lots of clogging to have to work around. Or maybe I just don’t know what I’m doing.)
  • Mosquito bites: 2. (The yard spray works!)
  • Yellow jacket nests found: 1. (Luckily, I wasn’t stung.)
  • Hottest temperature worked in: 97 degrees.
  • Rocks accidentally put down the shredder chute: over 500, counting pebbles.
  • Times I stopped the machine just to clear out rocks from the shredder chute: 3.
  • How much better the back yard looks, in terms of percentage: 90%. (I still need to get pine straw or mulch down around my trees, and there’s still too many overgrown and weedy areas for my taste, but at least the piles of junk are gone. Overall, very pleased with the outcome of the time spent.)

it’s the little things in life…

One of the more fun things to do with dogs is give them new things and see how they react to them. Case in point – tonight, I decided to give Austen her first taste of yogurt. Now, London loves the stuff, and Austen had never turned away anything that we’d given her before, so I didn’t really expect any issues.

Of course, she loved it. I just had two problems after that: keeping her off of the couch so that it wouldn’t be further stained by the yogurt (it’s practically beyond help at this point anyway from them, though, so maybe that wasn’t a big deal), and making sure that she didn’t do any more to London than just give her “back off, man!” barks that she always does when she’s got something she wants all to herself and he comes too close. She’s never acted on it, but you really don’t want to be in the middle of 150 pounds of dog fighting each other. Ask my dad if you don’t believe me.

Anyway, it all went well. The only problem? I forgot to get pictures! Oh well, there’s more yogurt in the freezer…maybe next time.

Presenting Austen!

Here’s our new dog! She’s named Austen, after Kelly’s favorite author, Jane Austen. She’s a 3-year-old (or so) hound mix. We got her at the shelter last month. We didn’t want to do the puppy thing again. She seems to be housebroken, so that was fairly easy to deal with.


She’s already learned about playing with toys, and believe it or not, she’s an even stronger chewer than London is!


She’s actually 60 pounds. Hard to believe, huh?


They play really well with each other, and the end result is that they’re extremely tired at the end of the day. And you know what they say…a tired dog is a good dog!


I don’t know exactly what breeds she’s comprised of, but she’s AKC-certified Cull!

twitterrific!

Hey, I’ve actually joined a social network!

In this case, it’s twitter. I figure that it’s easier for me to write about stuff if I have to confine it to 140 characters or less. With big entries, I pore over spelling and grammar and other stuff (is this as funny as I think it might be? Is it saying what I’m really trying to say?) With this, there isn’t a whole lot to think about, which is good for me.

Of course, when I have something more substantial to say than what I’m currently doing, or if I post pictures of London and Austen (oh, yeah…I owe you all some pictures of the new dog), I’ll still post on the main area. But at least you can look at the twitter feed on the left-hand side to see if I’ve microblogged recently!

Fall London pics


Daddy and I before Race for the Cure. I was excited with all the people and other dogs there!


Here I am afterward. I was tired!


Well, what are you waiting for? Come on in!


I love apples!


The bottom bone once looked like the top, before I got hold of it…