Category Archives: thoughts – insane

thoughts approaching summer break

  • Has anyone else ever wondered why the audience claps when someone finds a daily double on “Jeopardy!”? Does the audience realize that they’re applauding pure luck? You’d think a “Jeopardy” audience would know better.
  • One of these days, I’m going to calculate how many free 12-packs of Diet Dr Pepper I could get per year just by cashing in from recycling old Diet Dr Pepper cans.
  • Speaking of which, I’ve got quite the pyramid of cans going on my end table right now. Okay, it’s not a pyramid; more of a set of skyscrapers. I really need to clean my apartment…
  • I realize now why I didn’t get to play basketball on my high school teams and onward. It wasn’t that I was too short. It’s that I was too fundamentally sound. I tend to pass more than I shoot, so I was immediately disqualified.
  • The bottled water industry has to laugh out loud every time they look at their profit margins.
  • I don’t know why, but in computer golf games, I enjoy making golf courses more than playing the game itself.
  • One of these days, I hope to be traded from one university to another for the equivalent of 35 million euros.
  • Less than a week until the 25th!

the night of 1000 words

Here it is, my friends…the entry that will have you recalling the banner years of pressing on…where posts occurred every day, and sometimes more than once a day, and tended to be longer than just a couple of paragraphs. The entry so huge, it’s filed under four, count ’em, four, categories.

Do I sound enough like an NBC promo?

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sleep deprivation aid

It happened again last night.

Once again, I sat upright in bed, a victim for the third time in the past two weeks of the same problem.

During the course of the night, my tongue will come into contact with my palate, also known as the roof of my mouth. I’m sure that this is a normal occurrence. However, sometimes my tongue is very dry, and will not want to let go of the roof of my mouth. This, of course, cuts off approximately all of my breathing ability if I’m breathing through my mouth while I sleep.

Which, apparently, I often do. So, not being able to breathe, I’ll wake up, take a breath through my nose, and find my tongue again welded to my palate.

This, of course, leads to an obvious course of action. I have to Teflon®-coat my tongue.

I need to get in touch with the DuPont people to see about how to do that…

lane games

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This is something that I know that everyone’s done at one time or the other. Picture this scenario. You’re about 100 feet away from a traffic light that’s red. You’re on a four-lane road, with one car in front of you in each of the lanes in your direction.

Do you do an almost instaneous appraisal of the cars to see which one should get “off the line” quicker and position yourself behind that car? I do this all the time. It’s probably the only time in my life that I start weighing the acceleration capacities of the Pontiac Grand Prix versus the Toyota Camry, for example.

Of course, the game can be made even more interesting if there are multiple cars in the lanes or more lanes than two. “Hm…; there’s a Grand Prix and an old Oldsmobile in this lane; there’s a Honda Accord and what looks to be a Z71 in the other lane. Easy lane change. So long, granny!”

Of course, putting big rigs in the equation almost always tilts the balance heavily towards non-truck lanes. But if the truck is sufficiently close to the front of the line, that opens up a new game entirely: the “can I get past everyone up to and including the truck, switch lanes, and get an open lane” game.

anti-time

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I’m pretty sure that there’s a temporal anomaly in the vicinity of my grandparents’ microwave. Setting a Hot Pocket for 2:30 results in a cook time of around 5 minutes, it seems.

I thought about flooding the region with an inverse tachion pulse, but then I remembered that my life isn’t like Star Trek.