When I was finishing up school last year, I thought that it would be so nice to have free time again. Time to not have anything to worry about in terms of tests and papers and projects and such. When 5 o’clock hit, I would be done for the day.

Now, I have come to learn that having too much free time is in many ways even worse than not having enough.

I’ve come to the conclusion that having this much time is not a good thing for me. The first problem is that I’m not doing anything of note, and I’m not pressured to do so. Things like this site and the others that I maintain that were once pleasant distractions are now much harder to work on. I think it must be because I can’t get inspired to do so, and there are lots of days where I don’t feel like I did anything that’s worth writing about. That’s not being self-deprecating; it’s just the truth. There would be plenty of days that I would write something along the lines of “Checked e-mail and replied to it. Surfed the web. Looked at college admissions information. Played a couple of games. Watched TV. Ate. Went to bed.”

As I’ve noted already, I’ve gotten cabin fever. I’m ready (and have been for a while now) to be back on my own again. It’s not as if I’m a bird in a cage. There’s just a mentality in this place that inspires lethargy.

I realize that this period in my life has been good in many ways. For one, I’ve been a first line of communication and family support for both of my grandparents when they’ve been in the hospital. I’ve been able to help them with a lot of things that they didn’t feel like doing or need to do during those times, and even in everyday circumstances. I’ve developed a tougher skin of sorts, and learned that sometimes in an argument, one can’t do anything more than simply walk away, knowing that there’s no way that you’ll ever get the other side to consider, much less accept, your opinion on something.

That having been said, I’ll come right out and say it.

I’m tired of this period in my life.

I’m looking forward to moving on. I’m looking forward to long nights of having projects due the next day and seemingly having miles to go. I’m looking forward to sudden inspiration for my web site in the midst of intense pressure, and dropping everything to capture it. I’m looking forward to having a meeting place where I know that friends will always be waiting again. I’m looking forward to my own place again, with my own things, held captive so long in a 10-by-20-by-12 storage area.

I’m looking forward to the next chapter in my life.