When driving fails

I have not been sleeping well the past few nights. I was originally thinking that it had something to do with the fact that my grandparents keep the temperature hotter at night than I’m used to; I have a tendency to wake up at night if it’s too hot. But I’m starting to think that it’s got more to do with some oncoming stress.

I’m not used to not being in school at the start of a fall at all. I looked up Alabama’s academic calendar and found that I would be starting classes tomorrow were I still there. I’m starting to wonder if I made the right decision to take a year or two away from school before I made the decision about a doctorate.

I’m definitely not used to not having something to do for an extended period at all. The last time that I can remember not having school or a job to think about was the summer before my junior year in high school. And even then I had football practice by this time.

Yesterday, I took an application to UAB for employment. The lady at the counter took my application and told me that they’d be in touch with me. Then I walked outside and got into my car. I wasn’t ready to come back home yet. So I drove around Birmingham for a little while.

Driving has always been something of a relaxation mechanism for me. The thing is, what do I have to be relaxed from? If anything, I should be more relaxed now than I’ve been in eight years. I don’t have one thing that I have to do tomorrow. But that’s the problem.

This day, even driving failed me. I think that I would have enjoyed it more if I was looking around at neighboorhoods to live in or for new ways to get around town or something. This day, it seemed contrived, as if the only reason that I was doing it was to do something, anything. Which it basically was.

I turned left onto I-459 and headed for home.

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