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I have never bought aftershave.
I use it almost every time I shave (which is usually every other day), but I have never spent time at the grocery store or anywhere else deciding what brand of aftershave to buy.
No, I haven't been stealing it.
I have received aftershave as a gift a couple of times in my life, but that still doesn't fully explain things.
The truth is, I really can't explain it. I have never finished up a normal-size bottle of aftershave, because they seem to magically produce more. I still have (and actually used this morning) the first aftershave I ever got, and I got it in elementary school before I even needed to shave. I still have a little bit left in a bottle that my first girlfriend gave me back in high school, and I still have a ton left in a bottle my mom gave me I think in middle school.
I still have a bunch of the little sample-sized ones they gave out in the dorms in college, although I think I did finally use one of those up.
The one from elementary school is getting pretty low, so I guess I'll finally know what it's like to use up a bottle. But I still won't need to buy any to replace it since I have so many others.
Yeah, I know, I'm weird.